The Unknown Abyss

As some of you know, New Years, is my favorite holiday. Yes, I love the joy of Christmas and the humility of Thanksgiving but nothing strikes my chords like New Years. As in every year, the aged old tradition, to form goals and to better ones self is always encouraging to me. What day, besides one’s 30th birthday or when it’s to late and you see a loved one laying on their death bed do you realize… maybe I can change!

Granted every year we make up fictitious and realistic goals and some or none are ever achieved. I know the “losing weight and eating healthier” has graced my list time after time. It works for about a month and then… lo and behold… cake, ice cream, and cookies turn in to my breakfast.

But New Years is so much more than that. If you ever found yourself in a situation where you wanted to scream because you didn’t know which way to go and you hate damn near everything about your life then you know what I mean. New Years is that proclamation that enough is enough. And when you stand up and decide to fight, it’s the beginning of something new. A New Year and a New "enhanced" You.

Granted people have these moments every day but New Year’s just makes it that much more encouraging. There was this point in my life when I didn’t know what to do, how to get where I wanted to be, nor understand the mess I had put myself in. Some of it still doesn’t make since but I am very blessed to be able to say that a lot of my goals in life came to fruition this year. And it all started one New Years night when I finally decided that "no guts, no glory".

My success this year has been blindsiding. And in no way am I trying to rub it in anyone’s face, this is meant to be encouraging. I graduated, finally on my own, and have come to terms with many things that plagued me in my past. After years of crying, facing fears, learning to believe in myself; I had achieved something that I didn’t know would ever become possible.

And now the New Year is here. I’m getting ready to sail into the unknown abyss; new goals in hand and a pebble of fear in my shoe. Graduating from college was something I knew I had to do, but trying to start a business and rely on my self to be the "Meg Whitman" of my Dreams…that’s a whole other ball park.

But as I must have faith, so shall you and everyone else.

Time to just jump into the deep end… I wish you all the best New Years ever!

a new world

I got in my car this morning.
Fifteen minute break.
Could have kept driving
Escape my insanity.
Not even home would be of much comfort.
Its time to break free
See something new
Recharge my inner Artemis.
Break the mold
Infesting my destiny.
It’s not that I wish to run
I just need to see a new world.
And yet I returned to
Circumstancial Responsibilities.

myHEART

Concrete fills in the cracks of my heart.
Chains wrapped around its pearly gates.
To afraid to unlock the door…
I can’t wait on someone to break in…
I’m the only one who can open it.
What will I find on the inside…

FEARnot

My happy streak came to an abrupt halt this morning when I had to make the choice to go back to school. I don't care to get into the specifics of it all and I'll spare you from the unnecessary details. But once again, regardless of what my future holds, I can not live in fear. And which ever road I take, I have to be happy.

Bottom line is that I can only take it one day at a time. I did sign up for classes... but I'm going about this whole school thing very unconventionally. So... as any journey... mishaps, fear, doubt and whatever else came aboard. But I made them walk the plank.

And the Ship has Sailed...

First, I have to start by saying that I am super happy that my little adventure has officially begun. It's been quite fun.

I came home Friday evening after work and did my very own photo shoot. It all started because I remembered that back in highschool I had this journal that I took every where with me. I had collaged it inside and out, glued random objects in it, and wrote with all inhibitions to the side. I had glued a picture of this African American chick who had been rotoscoped on the cover. I loved the idea of being that girl. She wore a smile on her face, her hair was a fro, and she just seemed to be happy and independent. As I graced the pages of my old journal, I realized the determination I had once had to be on my own.

Looking back now, all I can do is smile. And say, Wow. I have become the person that I had dreamt of being. Granted a few mishaps along the way and I don't live in some huge city but the old me would be proud. So, I took it upon myself to make my first official self portrait.

Then... Yesterday morning I awoke with a dream in mind. I had been running around my old back yard and felt something stuck to the bottom of my foot. I sat down in the green plush grass and took off my shoe and sock. For some reason, a yellow daisy was growing from the bottom of my foot. Confused and startled, I quickly ripped it from the sole of my foot, only to say that we should have taken a picture of it first. So, here's to my first water coloring. Most definitely not Van Gogh or anything.

The process its self was liberating. It was not just the meaning behind it, but the ability to bring it to fruition. It could be ten times better, different, or whatever. But I did it. I think it turned out quite well.

(Dreaming about a foot indicates your point of view, or the progress you are making as you pursue life's journey. A dream of a yellow flower, daisy, is an expression of pleasant thoughts and emotions. It is a sign that the highest form of happiness will come your way.)

I hope you all dream of feet&flowers...
Thanks
Olisa Rachele

a continued but new begining

It's been a long time... These past few months have taken me for a spin. But I have realized much change in myself and my world. That was the point of this whole experiment; To not be afraid to show my artistic self to you and the world around me.

I have vaguely researched other artist and their reasons for creativity. The main thing I have learned is that they all do it because they love it. Some do it for the success, money, and recognition, but most of them do it cause they wouldn't be who they are with out it. That, is my main lesson. Granted life / God has shown me a few things about myself that I still need to work on. But in the end through my own trials and tribulations I have to be true to myself.

My original goal for this blog was to not only fine myself but to prepare myself for art school. And art school doesn't seem plausible at the moment. But it doesn't change my reason in finding my artistic self.

So with that said... I'm gladly re-embracing this blog-full journey. I do not know what the future holds. But my camera, pastels, journal, and oddness are along for the ride.

Love, me... Olisa Rachele thanX

today was a DOOZIE

SO... I can't even begin to explain nor do I want to. But I do know this.

What ever my issues I will not let it define me. I will stand strong and continue to pursue my every goal. I had to face something that I've been avoiding for a really long time. But just because I have an issue or two, it doesn't or won't change who I really am.

Wow... I didn't know what I was signing up for when I started this. Not just my commitment to the blog, but the commitment to myself.

I am seriously growing up. I'm not knocking it at all, its about time. But with it, I've realized a lot about myself.

I know I'm always saying I will never give up. I can't. But I have to follow this change, I have to continue on this path because when I reach the end of the tunnel their will be something magnificent at the end.

And let me tell you, when I start art school, I will be a force to be reckoned with.

To all of you, no matter what life throws at you, stand tall and strong. Don't give up. I hope you all find happiness and pursue your every dream.

love me

i can't help but feel happy...

2:23am in the morning and the sky is a solemn orange. It should be black, stars a flame, but it's not. It's o' so beautiful. It speaks to me... telling me how blessed I truly am. As stated in my previous blogs, I never loved myself. But tonight, I do. And believe me... it may seem that my life is or can be perfect. That I have my ducks in a row... but I never have. I've been lost in my confusion.

Things are never perfect. Maybe for three seconds, like now. But I know, we all should know, that when the tough times pass... we can come back to the best moments of our lives.

Yes, I can admit, I'm tipsy, but in the morning, when the sun rises, I can stand by what I write because this is who I truly am.

Love me or hate me... for the first time in my life I went out to a club and regardless of all the skinny bitches in their short dresses whom seem mighty desperate... I DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK!!!!

Like I've said before, maybe what I say isn't for you, but if you ever doubted yourself then please hear me now and realize that we are all beautiful. (even them skinny broads who got they ass's hangin out they dress').

When I came home, I had an epiphany, and yet I was faced with doubt. Doubt that I couldn't really achieve my wildest dreams.

But, tonight, after feeling like a million bucks, I was able to realize that God has something beautiful planned for me. And I promise to my friends, family and everyone else, that tonight is only the beginning of something BEAUTIFULLYodd; me.

i love you all.
xoxo.
oli

First Thing First... hum???

I've been back for six days now and though I've had a few life changing experiences, my old ways are trying to sprout like weeds. But my experiences are now apart of the solid foundation I was desperately trying to build and I can honestly say I feel very excited about my future endeavors. I'm not going to lie, I still have much work to do on that foundation. (For those of you who don't know, you can't build a house on sand.) Let's say that the concrete truck has arived and I've got a prime piece of real estate right next door to God. :)

But them sneaky weeds or seeds of doubt were trying to knock me off my game and I just can't have that anymore. While listing to Kanye's "Power", (on repeat again) at work, my mind started spittin out ideas on how I can do this and that or create and make this or sell that. But ideas cost money. Atleast mine do and for a second there, I was getting discouraged. But because my battery was super charged over my vacation, I was able to say that I need to learn to be content.

Yes, as humans we want things and the media would try to sell you the sun and moon if they could. But, the bottom line is that I need to be content with what I have now. I need to use my resources to the best of my capabilities and make something beautiful come from it. I could buy a hundred things that would help me get my product line where I'd like it to be. But I could be doing a hundred and one things inorder to start it.

Southern Comfort: the end

I paced around my grandmothers backyard, holding my niece. The trees reaching the clouds in the sky. Soft water color pinks and blues painted the yard. Dreaming of the future, hoping that one day; she will stand strong and tall. Tears filled my eyes. A passion I can not describe. I was overwhelmed with love, with hope, and faith. I never had confidence in myself, and to hold my five month year old niece was like holding a piece of the future. I wanted her to know, how much I truly loved her. And that life can sometimes be hard but that no matter what, her family would be there to love her. I learned what it is to love; To have hope and faith as we desperately try to achieve our hearts desires.

I realized that no matter my weight, looks, oddness, or hair cut, it can not determine who I am on the inside. I am more than what I think I am. I don't care anymore about whether I look cute or whether I have achieved someone's merit standards. I am me. And honestly, that's hard to say considering I let some one cut all my damn hair off. I look at myself in the mirror and I see a girl that wants to be a woman. I see a free spirited individual with a fire that burns so deeply inside that it can set the sky a flame.

I came home, in search of breaking down my walls. When I was living with my parents, there were bars on my bedroom windows and I truly hated it. I felt trapped, like a prisoner. I wanted a taste of life, and still do. I wanted to rip life a new one and laugh in its face as I basked in its glory.

And NOW, at this very moment, I know that when tomorrow's sun rises, I will embrace every second of it. I will stand tall and take life in my hands and make the very best future for not only my self, but my family.

Thank you,
love,
Olisa Rachele :*

Southern Comfort Part 2

The wind blows in my face... there is this odd mixture of old and new in this aged town. Between the parts of trees are old shacks; lakes and swamps with trees sprouting from them. Homes that look like the purple Polly pocket house my uncle bought me when I was six. Even the the clouds and sun seem brighter. Plantation land. Homes that are aged seem to want to fall apart, but they tell a story of the past.

My family owns property that stretches a mile and half long. The land and trees try to talk to you. The trees are a deep forest green with golden yellow sparkled leaves and have magnificent animal like shapes. Butterflies of all colors dance at their feet. Something deep burns in me. A passion, a determination. This moment can not be forgotten. Roads that stretch as far as the eye can see. I was meant to be here to see this aged world. In the past, my motivation seemed to be running on low. I've been recharged in some spiritual way.

Our family history is as old as the land. I have a dream that brings me to tears. Something, someone, God, my ancestors are telling me to achieve more. I met a man, Preal Frye, today. My family and I went and visited his famous garden that people from around the country travel to see. And as most say, he believes that you have to work hard in order to achieve your dreams. It takes blood, sweat, tears, and more than eight hours a day to achieve them. "I can do this", I think to my self. It's not coincidence I heard this man speak today.

My family believes in me and because of that I have to believe in myself. Fear can no longer be apart of my vocabulary. I sit here contemplating what all this means, knowing that when I come home, life can not go on as it once did. I can easily shrug my experiences here; I can come home and do the same old things, but now, I have found new meaning.

I didn't expect for all this to happen. I had hoped for a second that my paradigm would shift but it was over-ran by my immature feelings about coming out here in the first place. I was adopted. But I have been very blessed and fortunate to be a apart of this family. Regardless of who I am, I know that I have a family that loves me as if I were there own flesh and blood. Something that may be irrelevant to many of you is something that makes me different and unconventional. Through them and the life I've lived, to this day, has shaped me into who I am now.

I am strong: I am capable of tremendous creativity. I am able to achieve my every dream. I can not be scared , I can not forget once I get back home, that all of my beautifully odd dreams can be achieved. I am somebody. I am Olisa Rachele and I will give my 127% in all of my future endeavors.

love me, Olisa Rachele
My past can no longer hold me down...

Southern Comfort

At first I was dreading the idea of coming out here to South Carolina. Sumter, South Carolina that is. I couldn't remember the last time I was out here. And that was seven years ago. I had graduated from high school and was in my first year of college. But now, as an adult, a grown woman, I can appreciate the finer things of life. Family and lets not forget, food. There is nothing like my grandmas black eye peas and rice. Fried pork chops, green beans, and to finish it off, lemon meringue pie. I would have never tired lemon meringue pie or grits with stewed tomato sauce unless my grandmother made it. Questioning the tast of food is of no concern.

The crickets and birds chirping, the wind blowing in the trees makes this feel like home. The sad thing is, how much longer will it be. I need to learn how to cook my grandma's food, it's the only thing I can take back with me... Besides my memories and photos. White plush carpets and the smell of grandma lingers around the house. It's a smell that I can't truely describe; maybe its, perfume, food, and flowers. Stories of the past fill the air at the dining room table. Though there is laughter, what scares me is that death, wants to make its presence. I shut down at the idea of it. My grandfather was diagnosed with bone cancer and is suffering with mild dimensia. My grandmother hopelessly checks on him in the afternoon; making sure that he is still breathing. I'm scared to myself. It's noon time and he still hasn't awaken. One o'clock in the afternoon the music plays from the clock. The house is silent. And so am I.

Filled with complaints yesterday and the week leading up to this. I seem to be as silent as the house righ now. Everyone is gone, but the moment is right. I think she is ready. I think my grandmother is holding this last extravaganza, a huge party, with a commedian, music and dancing as a farewell. A life well lived. I look at her, her hands tired, I think she has to be ready because her husband may be. But as I look around the house, it's well lived, it's home. Photos of every family member, some I don't even know. Maybe she isn't ready, maybe she's willing to keep fighting.

love me... olisa rachele
a woman changing for the better

in deep thought

Do you have a dream?

For a second there, I was ready to give up on this damn blog! Why, I can’t really say. I guess it’s cause I’m always doubting my capabilities. See, the thing is, I decided to stop giving up on myself. Some of you may have your life totally together. And like I said in another post, then maybe this isn’t for you. But if your anything like myself, then you can admit that, ”LIFE GETS FUCKING DIFFICULT!!!” Yes, I cursed, but it’s the truth. Now I also better warn you that I believe in God. I know, the cuss words above say something else. But hey, ‘I ain’t perfect!’

Bottom line is that I have GOALS THAT REACH FAR BEYOND THE BIG DIPPER. What about you? I pray, that each of you follow your heart, and achieve your every dream. Something deep burns in me. “This little of mine, I’m gonna let shine”. Each and every single one of us, has a light burning deep within our soul.

Now, has your light ever been blown out!? Some of us (humans) have been at the bottom and seen some ugly things. And I have to admit, I have had it good. Unfortunately there are a few folks out there, that have gone through some serious shit! And it amazes me when I meet people who still, get the hell up, in the midst of it all.

I don’t know your situation!? Maybe your light is as bright as a forest fire a flame, or it flickers like a candle ready to go out. All I can say is that I believe there is a light in all of us. I choose to call him God, others: Spirit, Soul, Devine, Jesus, Lord and Savior, Buddha, I don’t know. But, it doesn’t change the truth.

What is the truth? I’m still on that Journey. I’ll keep you posted. But in short, it’s that I believe 127% that God is the love in my heart. And with that love, came a purpose. Maybe you haven’t found it, and if not, then ask yourself why. If you have, then by all means, don’t you ever give up.

In end, sometimes life can be hard and I’m just trying to relate to those who agree. Especially, if you’re trying to make something for yourself. Whether its to have a family, obtain higher education, a career, or etc.; we can achieve our dreams! Let your light shine bright. Let it be your fuel. And yes, it may flutter from time to time. But just throw some gasoline on that shit and it will burn bright!

Love you guys!!!
Thank you


Quotes:

“What does it mean to believe in God? It means learning to honor your own inherent Godliness.” Iyanla, Vanzant

“Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.” Harold, Kieth D.

“Enthusiastically chasing dreams.” Harold, Kieth D.

“Remain open. There is something bigger than you know going on here.” Vanzant, Iyanla

“We are each a unique expression of the Divine Mind living to fulfill a divine mission and purpose.” Vanzant, Iyanla

“God believes I can do it.” Vanzant, Iyanla

A Lazy Bum

Today, is a new day. A day of promise. I may not be as enthused as I should be. But here I am. Looking the day in the face. Taking in its perspective potential. I have come to take this day by its balls and milk it for its every promise. It may sound derogatory, but to me it sounds triumphant. I want to yell at the top of my lungs, pronouncing that I am unstoppable, I am victorious. Why today, because today I stand up against the need or want to crawl back into bed and rot. Lame right. But if I were to do that, then what would I be. A lazy bum, walking away from responsibility, walking away from reaching my goals, walking away from what’s in my heart. So today, I choose to not be a lazy bum, but to follow my heart and make it the best day ever.

Entry 1:2

This blog is mostly about me finding myself as an artist. I have 182 days till the Spring semester starts at Academy Art and I feel that I have much to learn, do, and become before I step foot into a single class. I have always had a low self confidence in not just my art but myself. So I have been contemplating the idea of this blog for a while now. As lame as it may sound I have even shed a few tears.

See the thing is, I had hit a real rough patch a few years ago and let my self fall into a sixteen foot ditch. I felt as if my every dream was floating pass me on a white puffy cloud. A few years later I can gladly admit that I have reached a few of my accomplishments but I’m still not at the level I feel I need to be.

With that said, I need to not just grow as an artist, but as a human that is confident and faithful in my self and vision. From figuring out not just how to live on a budget but learning the discipline to stick to it, to developing a bag full of film, to finding confidence in myself, creating a product line, building a stronger relationship with God, getting back in touch with my art photography, and so much more.

Yes, it seems like a lot. But I have 182 days to make at least one of those things happen. As long as I try, as long as I post this damn blog, I feel that I am honestly able. So here’s to finding myself and becoming the artist I wish to be.

Entry 1:1

Friday, July 23, 2010

Welcome, to my life. What makes mine anymore interesting then the next persons, I can’t really tell you. I am just me, Olisa Rachele. An artist, lover, believer, and a free spirited female with dreams that reach another universe. I have realized that my art is who I am. I would hope that people like it, or that it evokes passion in peoples minds and hearts. But if it doesn’t, it does in mine. And that’s all that matters. Once you start wondering what others think, the quality of who you are starts to diminish. My point is that this isn’t a perfect world, and I can only be myself. And if I say something that may offend you or my art isn’t good enough to you, then fine. But please understand that I don’t have time to care. I’m not trying to be rude but keep it real.

So why in the hell am I doing this. To learn, grow, and become the person God has set out for me to be. I’m always open to learning new things. I just don’t want this to be a negative thing. And if you can’t respect that than please leave now.

And one more thing… I want this to be empowering for all who wish to follow, understand, read, care, or just look at occasionally cause they’re bored. Life isn’t easy, I haven’t had it as bad as others, and for that I am truly grateful, but I understand that sometimes the tasks that are set before us can be very difficult to face. And I hope that my words, art, and what ever it is this may turn into, can empower the minds of the people around me and throughout the world. We shouldn’t be hatin on each other, but uplifting one another. And this is my beautifully odd way of trying…

But to get started…